Tech Tools for Legal Writing: Run-On Sentences (Part Two)

Where we left off

In the first part of this series, I explained how to identify problematic run-on-sentences as well as two tech tools for identifying them (Microsoft Word’s Style Checker and Expresso).

In this second part, I will explain how to quickly fix these sentences as well as a tech tool to help you speed up the process.

Best Options

When you find yourself with a run-on-sentence, you can always start deleting words to make it shorter. But, you might find this task more difficult than you think. (I don’t know many lawyers that enjoy making deletions - and ruining their masterpieces.)

In this case, I recommend that you focus on either (i) breaking it up into multiple sentences or (ii) utilizing bullet points to make the sentence more reader-friendly.

Option 1: Breaking Up the Sentence

You can quickly identify the best way to break up a run-on-sentence if you focus on the verbs. For example, take a look at the verbs highlighted in the below sentence.

On the 1st day of each month the Clinic shall calculate the Introduction Fee that has accumulated throughout the previous calendar month and is thus due to WAL under Clause 4.1 and shall, no later than five calendar days after such date, send to WAL (by email or fax) a statement setting out the details of all monies that it calculates are due to WAL under clause 4.1 and full details of the Treatment and/or services to which they relate (“Statement”).

In this example, you probably recognized that their are two key verbs: (i) Clinic shall calculate, and (ii) Clinic shall send. In this case, the solution is obvious. You can create two sentences based on these key verbs as follows:

On the 1st day of each month the Clinic shall calculate the Introduction Fee that has accumulated throughout the previous calendar month and is thus due to WAL under Clause 4.1.

No later than five calendar days after such date, the Clinic shall send to WAL (by email or fax) a statement setting out the details of all monies that it calculates are due to WAL under clause 4.1 and full details of the Treatment and/or services to which they relate (“Statement”).

Tech Tool: OneNote

If you want to save time on searching for verbs, I recommend you check out OneNote. OneNote is a software in Microsoft Office. If you paste your text into OneNote, you can use its Immersive Reader function to highlight all the verbs. For example, see the below screenshot from OneNote.

If you want to try OneNote for identifying the verbs in your run-on-sentences, just be aware that you can only access the Immersive Reader function in the online version of OneNote. To learn more about Immersive Reader, click here.

Option 2: Bullet Points

If you can’t break up your run-on-sentence, you should try at the very least to boost its readability by breaking up the pieces with bullet points. See below for some examples.

Original

A purchaser may pay a reduced stamp duty in the amount of 2 (two) percent of the market value of real property, if the purchaser submits to the Stamp Duty Office information evidencing the fact that the purchaser acquired the property as a real estate agent, including a statement to the effect that the property was purchased for the purpose of resale (but the purchaser must submit the information to the Stamp Duty Office before the Stamp Duty Office has issued a non-appealable stamp duty order) and the purchaser resells the property within 2 years after the purchaser has submitted the purchase agreement to the land registry office.

Revised

A purchaser may pay a reduced stamp duty in the amount of 2 (two) percent of the market value of real property, if:

• the purchaser submits to the Stamp Duty Office information evidencing the fact that the purchaser acquired the property as a real estate agent, including a statement to the effect that the property was purchased for the purpose of resale (but the purchaser must submit the information to the Stamp Duty Office before the Stamp Duty Office has issued a non-appealable stamp duty order) and

• the purchaser resells the property within 2 years after the purchaser has submitted the purchase agreement to the land registry office.

Original

The Supreme Court of Hungary provided the following reasoning for this view: (i) the costs of the arbitration proceedings exceed the costs of an ordinary court case; (ii) in arbitrations the claimant must advance the arbitration costs in any case, and may not request any suspension or exemption from it; (iii) in arbitration proceedings the insolvent company’s creditors are not able to join; (iv) arbitration proceedings are not open to the public; (v) the arbitration proceeding is a one-instance proceeding without a right to appeal and with only a limited ability to have the award set aside; and (vi) arbitration proceedings are less effective than ordinary court proceedings.

Revised

The Supreme Court of Hungary provided the following reasoning for this view:

(i) the costs of the arbitration proceedings exceed the costs of an ordinary court case;

(ii) in arbitrations the claimant must advance the arbitration costs in any case, and may not request any suspension or exemption from it;

(iii) in arbitration proceedings the insolvent company’s creditors are not able to join;

(iv) arbitration proceedings are not open to the public;

(v) the arbitration proceeding is a one-instance proceeding without a right to appeal and with only a limited ability to have the award set aside; and

(vi) arbitration proceedings are less effective than ordinary court proceedings.

Next Steps

I hope you find the above tips helpful. In my next Tech Tool Post, I will focus on identifying sneaky sentences in your writing that look short, but feel painfully long.